Please review my books

I would really appreciate any reviews for my books on Amazon and Goodreads. You can have a free read on Kindle Amazon KDP. If you were to do this, i would be extremely thankful. The Authors lot is not easy. I do not live in a big city where i could have bookselling at libraries. I think most would like Bernad’s Circus which contains quite a lot of erotic parts in a gripping story set in WW2. The shark stories were told to me by fishermen and Abalone divers, who met up with these huge creatures when fishing or diving. I have had a few meetings with these huge sharks. I was very frightened when they came to my small boat years ago.

Nikki The Greek

I am back in Coober Pedy looking for the elusive opal in a dump we pushed out a lot of money thirty years ago. The first day’s work was a fizzer. help me by crossing your fingers for me tomorrow.

I am still doing more research for my fifth book about the Greek miner who ripped off all of the people who worked with him. His ten percent interest usually turned into a one percent deal. I have put this book on hold for over twelve months following my nasty case of Sepsis (blood Poisoning) where i was lucky not to have lost my hands and feet to this nasty virus. I was in hospital in la la land for three weeks . My concentration has just returned. We are at Coober Pedy for three weeks just processing a dump we worked thirty years ago to try and find a pocket of opals we pushed out by accident. The first day was a fizzer. I am hoping to find this tomorrow or the next day. Catch a look at Great White Shark Tales. and meet up with some of the scary inhabitants of the seas. You will look over the side of the boat when fishing to check on the visitors. Cheers friends James

dieting for seniors

                            Pensioner’s  reply re Coles
Didn’t  like shopping there  anyway.
  Yesterday  I was at my local COLES  store buying a  large
  bag  of Pedigree dog food for my loyal pet and was
in the  checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a  dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant?  So,  since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I  told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting  the Pedigree Diet again.  I added that I probably  shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time,  but I’d lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care  with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV’s  in both arms.


I told her that it was essentially a  perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load  your pockets with Pedigree nuggets and simply eat one  or two every time you feel hungry.  The food is  nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going  to try it again. 

(I have to mention here  that  practically everyone in queue was now  enthralled with my story.)
Horrified, she asked me  if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food  poisoned me.  I told her no, I stepped off the kerb  to sniff an Irish Setter’s behind and a car hit me.


I  thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart  attack he was laughing so hard. 


I’m now  banned from Coles.  Better watch what you ask retired  people. 
They have all the time in the world to  think of daft things to  say.

Plenty more where this one came from. I will try to keep them clean to not offend the putitans Please remeber to review my books so i may be able to buy some other food than the pedigrees dog food. Email me on jamescalderwood@bigpond and ask for a free copy of The Opal Dragon or Bernad’s Circus. I will email it to you James. Remeber the reviews good or bad.

 

   
 

Dirty flies

Them Coober Pedy Flies

                   Youse run around my dusty face

                   You Coober Pedy flies

                 Running in me mouth and nose

                    Then in me bloomin eyes

                 Where did youse come from

                            You smelly little flies

                 Sucking out the moisture

                    Right out of me bleary eyes

                 Did youse come from a dunny

                    Or some other smelly place

                 Before you came a dancing

                     And to be on me dusty face

                 Did you come from old Harry

                   Out front of his opal mine

                 Out of the leg of them trousers

                   Where the sun would never shine

                 I took a huge swipe at me face in rage

                   And nearly knocked off me head

                 It almost made me senseless

                   There was about twenty dead

                Forty mates came in their place

                  To have a bloomin wake

                They flew in and out my eyes

                      looking for the bloody cake

                   I have since in me mind decided

                     If outside is for me to toil

                   The will be some drastic changes

                     I’ll cover me face in dirty oil

A bit of mirth and sadness

  The yellow racing turtle

I have bought a racing turtle

  He arrived the other day

He trots around the yard

  I like to watch him play

The neighbour looked over the fence

  I heard the blighter say

We should open up the gate

   And let him run a way

I took my new pet inside

  I did not want to see him go

He looked so happy in the yard

   Running to and fro

I took a brush to wood

And painted up a sign

Dangerous racing turtle

  Do not cross this line

I have now bought little collar

  To put around his neck

That’s if I can find it

  When I come to inspect

 I take him walking on a chain

  He runs along in front

He tugs the chain as he runs

  Making a funny piggy grunt

He runs back to and fro

  As he quickly runs along

He only stops to cock his leg

 Golly what a smelly pong

The local cats and dogs

  They quickly run away

They do not like my turtle

  They never come to play

 I took him to the beach to play

   For a run upon the sand

When I picked him up to go

  He bit me on the hand

I let him have a swim one day

  He swam far out in the sea

He just kept on swimming

  And never came back to me

 I miss my yellow turtle

   From when he swam away

I go to the beach looking

  He may come back one day

Bernado’s Circus

by Jachike Samuelson for online reviews After Bernado’s gypsy family is murdered by Nazi soldiers, Zelda, the gypsy who took him in, is also killed. Bernado moves on to live on his own in an old abandoned house but gets caught one day stealing a blanket. After hearing his story, the policeman who catches him is sympathetic and sends him to an orphanage where he believes Bernado will be well looked after. However, the reverse is the case when Bernado sees the awful living conditions there. He also experiences sexual abuse at the hands of Father Mark, but on one such encounter, he stabs the priest with a nail just below his eye and escapes from the orphanage. After some time on the streets earning at building sites, Bernado gets invited to join a circus. Here he performs with the talented dogs he started training after his escape from the orphanage. From working at the circus to purchasing a rundown casino in Italy with his savings, Bernado has a lot in store for him, and yet, this is only the beginning. Bernado’s Circus by James A Calderwood was a fascinating read. It had the right amount of elements typical of a fictional story—adventure, thrill, drama, friendship, sex—enough to keep different types of readers engaged. With a progressive plot, I got to experience the main character, Bernardo, and his life from his pre-teen years to his grand lifestyle as the father of six. I loved the unpredictability in the storyline. Often, novels tend to follow a template of sorts, which dampens the overall reading experience—not in this case. The plot’s unpredictable nature made it hard to tell which way the story was going initially—this left room for speculation on the reader’s part and creativity from the author. My favorite aspect of this novel was how it portrayed the themes of family and friendship throughout the story. These themes could be seen at play among Bernado’s family members. I could also see them in the relationships between Bernardo and Zelda; Bernardo and Stephan; Rina, Marta, Donna Gabriella, and the entire family. In the strong bond of kinship and friendship, they all supported and helped each other in love and compassion. I was expecting a little jealousy and spite, though, from Rina and Marta, seeing as they were both Bernado’s lovers and had borne children for him. It was interesting, therefore, that the two women bonded even better than sisters would. Owing to its subpar editing . The storyline is too good to deserve a lesser rating. I would recommend it to lovers of historical fiction and memoir-like stories.   Ps  Book has since been edited using Grammarly ****** Bernado’s Circus View: on Bookshelves

I love my family

One wonders what life will toss at you through the years. I did not have a happy life on the farm when i was young . i was bullied at school by some children and at home both verbaly and physically by my aggressive father. Burnt bacon and eggs and an argument was the norm at our breakfast table. other mealtimes were not much better.

I was sent to college in Adelaide . I must have had a target tattoed on my back as i was bullied at this school. I learned to fight back, this stopped most of the bullying especially when i was dragged to one of the top sportsmen at this school. A ring was formed around and i was tossed in to be slaughtered by this big lump. He swung a punch at me . I ducked sideways and hit as hard as i could on the nose. Blood spurted everywhere. he wen to the ground crying. The mob parted . I was left alone after this. i had a few friends

I returned to my home town and finished school there. The people were different, i had plenty of friends. When i left school i worked on the farm with two workmen and my brother. My father spent much of the time hitting golf balls around the padocks. This kept him away from me.

After an ultercation i left the farm and travelled to the city where i eventually got a good job . My mother was writing to me and telling me my father had changed. I belived her and came home. Leopards do not change their spots. The morning breakfasts were still the same.

i found a lovely girl from am interesting family. I feft home and moved into a small room in their house with them. I had always thought they were putting on their feelings toward each other because they had visitors. I began to realise this is what a normal household is like.

I was working hard and accumulated a deposit to buy a small stony farm some eighty miles from home. In the first year the price of wool dropped by 50% this did our budget the world of good. I started cropping some of the stony land with glenys to help me, we had visitors in our crops at night . kangaroos and emu’s . They did a lot of damage After nine years struggling to make ends meet we sold the farm and bought a semi developed farm near our home town .

The next three years were one of the worst droughts ever. We would have gone broke on the other farm. The new farm was a far better rainfall area. We traded a lot of livestock though the farm the first year to make some extra money. We were having sheep from the drought landed on our property for $1.00 per head and after fattening them wewere getting $6.00. this helped.

Over the years we trebbled the production on the farm by clearing scrub and providing more permanet water sites. We had many good friends. At this time we had three daughters. Glenys liked working with me on the farm. I felt blessed to have been so lucky to have found her.

Our youngest daughter had a small party for her eighteenth birthday with our family. she left and went to an all noght Rage at a small country showground. After two weeks she started to loose her balance. We took her to the local doctor who sent her to the City. glenys went with her . I folloewed and found she had been bitten by a mosquito and had Encephalitis. The doctors said she was going to die. Helen could only slur a few words. She would grab me and say “I am Going to beat this” . She survived after fourteen weeks in hospital. She had to be taight how to dress herself anf to enen hold a knife and fork. We were devastated. We would take her to the local hotel on a friday night where her friends were. The rotten girls would not have anything to do with her any more

This is the first install ment of my so interesting life

My Dynamic novels

G’Day I am an Australian author, inventor, farmer, opal miner amongst other things. I have four books in my stable at present and am desperately looking for sales.

My titles are ‘Opal Eggs Of Fire’. This is a story of Australian farmers facing the third year of drought. The sheep and crops are dying and the bank is threatening to sell their farm, Interest rates are a crippling 20%. The next-door farm has two old characters who have been to Coober Pedy and found some good opal and have paid off the bank. John and Tony accompany them to Coober Pedy where they drill up some very good opal. They take the old farm dozer to dig out the claim and find millions of dollars in opal, including four large black opalized dinosaur eggs worth over a million dollars each. The town thieves set about trying to steal these and the large stash of cash in the old safe. Sixty different nationalities work at Coober Pedy. Some of these people do not know the meaning of honesty

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1502770601    Kindle http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07KP88XYD   

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1503219526     http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07KHV78TL   kindle   

‘Great White Shark Tales is a collage of interesting stories I have been told mostly relating to the sea and some of its inhabitants, like the Great White Shark, the oceans ace predator. If not recorded many of these tales would soon be lost forever.

http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/1508826706  

http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B07HKTHX5N   kindle Bernado’s Circus follows the plight of a nine-year old Polish Gypsy lad who witnesses his parents and clan being exterminated by the SS during WW2. Bernado finally is caught stealing to try to survive and is sent to an orphanage where conditions are foul beyond belief. Bernado is attacked by one of the priests on numerous occasions. He stabs this priest in the eye and escapes. After working clearing bombed building sites. He starts to find stray dogs who he trains to make money when not working. A ring master of a large circus sees one of the performances and invites Bernado to join the circus. The young Bernado is an instant hit with the pretty girls in the circus. The girls take the willing pupil to teach him the facts of life. Bernado teaches two of his dogs to accompany him on nightly forays to steal purses and cases from unsuspecting victim as the circus travels from town to town. He is making a small fortune.  Sex scenes as in Fifty shades of Grey are in this Erotic novel. I am working on my fifth book at this time. This is the story

description of my books

Hi, I am an Australian author who has had hands on experiences in most books I have written Bernado’s Circus is different. I was laid up for a long time with a very badly fractured leg some years ago. To pass the time I watched many documentaries on pay TV on World War 2 and the Nazi atrocities against many minority groups. I have a memory like an elephant. I never forget. Something to do with my Scottish heritage. We never forget who did us wrong, even after four hundred years. I worked part time in the opal industry and have met some very different characters Some of these people would steal the pennies off a dead man’s eyes. I am looking for a distributor for my books. I do have some very interesting stories with quite unique slants on many scenes and subjects. My titles are listed below and are available on Ingram and Amazon James


G’Day I am an Australian author, inventor, farmer, opal miner and property developer amongst other things. I have four books in my stable at present and am desperately looking for sales.
My titles are
‘Opal Eggs Of Fire’. This is a story of Australian farmers facing the third year of drought. The sheep and crops are dying and the bank is threatening to sell their farm, Interest rates are a crippling 20%. The next-door farm has two old characters who have been to Coober Pedy and found some good opal and have paid off the bank. John and Tony accompany them to Coober Pedy where they drill up some very good opal. They take the old farm dozer to dig out the claim and find millions of dollars in opal, including four large black opalized dinosaur eggs worth over a million dollars each. The town thieves set about trying to steal these and the large stash of cash in the old safe. Sixty different nationalities work at Coober Pedy. Some of these people do not know the meaning of honesty
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1502770601

‘The Opal Dragon’ is a rewrite asked for by an Adelaide movie producer. He wanted one of the town thieves to be bought to the fore in this book. Ali The Dragon a small-time pimp and thief in the local market steals a bag of money and jewelry and enters the local drug trade. He leaves the Philippines after hearing the local mafia is going to tech him and his mother to swim with chain around their legs. He murders one of the Mafia boss’s before leaving for Australia. He finds the local opal industry and joins with the local opal thieves to buy their opal. The characters from Opal Eggs Of fire are included in Bryce Courtney style where the two opposing characters cross paths in this book.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/1503219526

‘Great White Shark Tales is a collage of interesting stories I have been told mostly relating to the sea and some of its inhabitants, like the Great White Shark, the oceans ace predator. If not recorded many of these tales would soon be lost forever.
http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/1508826706






Bernado’s Circus follows the plight of a nine-year old Polish Gypsy lad who witnesses his parents and clan being exterminated by the SS during WW2. Bernado finally is caught stealing to try to survive and is sent to an orphanage where conditions are foul beyond belief. Bernado is attacked by one of the priests on numerous occasions. He stabs this priest in the eye and escapes. After working clearing bombed building sites he starts to find stray dogs who he train to make money when not working. A ring master of a large circus sees one of the performances and invites Bernado to join the circus. The young Bernado is an instant hit with the pretty girls in the circus. The girls take the willing pupil to teach him the facts of life. Bernado teaches two of his dogs to accompany him on nightly forays to steal purses and cases from unsuspecting victim as the circus travels from town to town. He is making a small fortune. Sex scenes as in Fifty shades of Grey are in this Erotic novel. I am working on my fifth book at this time. This is the story of a friend who was a money magnet in the Opal fields He found millions of dollars and had problems with fast cars, slow horses and, expensive women
http://www.amazon.com.au/dp/1987741137

Kind regards James A Calderwood Struggling author